“Goodbye yellow brick road”- a tale of realignment
“AS VIBRATIONAL ENTITIES, WE NEED TO HONOUR TRANSFORMATION ON ENERGETIC, ETHERIC, MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL LEVELS, AS WELL AS ALL THE OTHER UNIVERSAL LEVELS THAT WE DON’T OFFICIALLY ‘KNOW’ ABOUT.”
For most people a nice holiday involves relaxation and definitely some down time. Well good for you! That used to be me. I now choose a rather different getaway and this blog is about my most recent trip into the woods for some thinking time…
Ever since I came to the understanding that my body is a vessel for all of the energetic interactions that happen in and around me, I started to intuitively realise when I needed to be away from people. Generally, I really like people. I’m pretty social and I’ve always had a job that requires me to interact with people. But sometimes, just sometimes (and increasingly frequently) I need to get the hell away from people. I’d also found myself experiencing a kind of anxiety that I didn’t recognise from my adult years. I was experiencing waves of emotion that felt almost uncontrollable. So this was the backdrop to my trip to the woods.
I packed up my things and drove the hour and a half from my house to a favourite thinking place of mine by the lake and in the woods. It’s a one kilometre hike to the hut and I headed jauntily through the woods with my very excited dog, Harley. I breathed in the smell of the trees and the wet earth and breathed out happily. Yes, it was all going to be ok. I was in the right place.
Now as a quick aside here, I’ve often found that when I feel like I’m on the right track and I’ve got it all sorted, a giant metaphysical wrecking ball comes in sideways and knocks seven shades of s%$# out of me. I’ve learnt to be grateful for these lessons (after spitting out metaphorical teeth and dragging my poor body up off of the floor). I’m also learning that change doesn’t have to be painful and at some point, on all levels I will choose to make the lessons softer and more of a whisper. I’m in major discussions with myself about this at the moment (some call it schizophrenia, I call it growth…) but for now it’s full steam ahead and that’s what I got in my little cabin in the woods.
I knew what my trip was about. It was about how I make decisions in relationships, particularly romantically and in business. I was choosing to change the fear based perspective that still showed up in my life. This was a learned behaviour from the various ‘bad’ relationships and unfortunate endings to business enterprises that I had experienced in my life so far. I had the potential to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. My attention had been drawn to the pattern again and I’d done enough work on and around it to really get to the meat of things. My body’s response was to kick off with a massive headache and I recognised this pain from years of migraines during childhood. There was something about my recent realisations that my body recognised energetically and this triggered a learned, emotional body response ie. my headache. Next was the head cold and body aching. I was in bed by 8pm that night and was convinced I’d sleep it off by the next morning. Hooray!
However, the next morning I still felt terrible. I was a total space cadet and was walking around in a bit of a daze. I remember waking up with a very clear thought- that fully exploring my breath was a way to fully explore myself on all levels. Even in my semi conscious state, I was taken aback at how that knowledge was within me and I’d never fully consciously acknowledged it. That’s pretty awesome stuff, especially because my head was whirring and I couldn’t stop the over thinking. Songs played over and over in my head, particularly ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’ by Elton John. I didn’t realise the appropriateness of this until later. I managed to walk Harley, or more to the point he walked me and we found our way to a flat river track. As I put one foot in front of the other, a part of me realised that this was all I needed to do today.
After twenty minutes, I felt a little bit better and my head slowed down a bit. Soon I was coherent enough to look around at the stunningly beautiful river and the trees on the banks. I had a lie down in the sun and regrouped. I started to rediscover my breath and took big long inhales and exhales. I noticed how the grass felt under my feet. I was in a place of being able to observe what was happening to me while simultaneously experiencing it emotionally. I thought that was pretty fascinating… It’s a state that many philosophers discuss within the realms of spirituality; how to observe your responses and adapt, integrate and respond accordingly. I won’t lie to you, my major response at this moment was minor despair at feeling like simultaneously throwing my guts up while letting my head explode. It struck me that philosophy is all well and good but the key is being able to acknowledge that while in within a heightened emotional state.
I headed back to my cabin for the night and very slowly lit the fire and prepared for the night. My head was banging and the nausea was still there. There was a part of me that felt totally switched on and observant. My body was a mess and only just functioning. I’d experienced this before but not very often to this extent. The other time I remember being fully awake but within a physical shell that was uncontrollable was when I undertook a kambo* ceremony. My body released a whole load of stuff that I clearly didn’t need but I felt horrendous during the process. I was able to observe myself almost as a separate entity from the corner of the room and I knew I would be OK and that it was for the greater good. However, that didn’t stop me feeling that my body was about to totally break down. Don’t get me wrong, most people do not have extreme reactions like this. However, I realised at that point that on some energetic level I’d made the decision that I was done with the belief systems, ancestral trauma and learned behaviour that was holding me back. You might be able to release that stuff immediately from your field, but my physical body has been trying to catch up for a while. This is what happened in the cabin in the woods. On some or all levels I’ve chosen a different path- so, yes indeed ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’. This is transformational on all levels and I’m learning the importance of giving myself time and space for my body to catch up.
(*kambo is a traditional amazonian ceremony using tree frog venom to purge).
AS VIBRATIONAL ENTITIES, WE NEED TO HONOUR TRANSFORMATION ON ENERGETIC, ETHERIC, MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL LEVELS, AS WELL AS ALL THE OTHER UNIVERSAL LEVELS THAT WE DON’T OFFICIALLY ‘KNOW’ ABOUT.
SO BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF.
Goodness knows I’ve been learning that the hard way (see my earlier paragraph about the metaphysical wrecking ball..) However, I know that I create my own reality and learning gentleness is still a work in progress for me. I often look to where I’ve come from with complete amazement. What an adventure. Who knows what the future holds? I’ve stopped micro managing the answer to that question because, in the words of quantum theory, I don’t wish to collapse the wave of my potential into a single outcome decided by old patterning and other people’s ideas. That’s really where I’m at and no matter what else I learn, I’ve not found anything as transformational as stepping off of the path well trodden and forging my own way. Challenging? Yes. Disorientating? Oh yes. Worth it? Hell yes…
“Oh I’ve finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road”
- Bernie Taupin & Elton John
Michelle x
